Friday Oct 01 2010, Bangalore

Bolly Baba takes on 'Endhiran'

This space is for all those who don't want to cry over a spoiled weekend at the (wrong) movies. Bolly Baba is the result of the constant prayers of those who are disillusioned with our movies and want to be forewarned of the consequences of walking into a cinema hall. We would have loved the Baba to give predictions, every week, but then, holy men cannot be dictated at. So, Bolly Baba will manifest whenever it is "spiritually appropriate to humanely interfere..."

About The Master: Bolly Baba (known as YumGee while a reprobate) is an aesthete-ascetic. He recently renounced Contemporary Indian Cinema because of, what he calls, "pathetically predictable scene-making" and "third-degree plagiarism". Baba has set up his abode on the outskirts of Bollywood, and has started welcoming all believers into the fold.

Carry on Clicking, as we present to you Bolly Baba's predictions, for Shankar's magnum opus 'Endhiran', starring Superstar Rajnikanth and Aishwarya Rai.

Warning: This space might feature toxic cynicism and is not prescribed for the weak-hearted and mid-life crisis activists. Also, this is a Missile of a Spoiler!

Here are Bolly Baba's comments/predictions on 'Endhiran...'

Bolly Baba punch lines on 'Endhiran'

1. The 'Endhiran' posters say this movie is about "Man... Machine... Mohobbhat". Notice the way Mohabbat is being spelt out. It is MOHOBBHAT instead of MOHABBAT. "BBH" instead of "BB". Bolly Baba says this is probably to highlight the age-gap between Rajnikanth and Aishwarya Rai!

2. "In 'Endhiran', Rajnikanth plays a Robot and, so, can finally justify defying Laws of Nature. But the applause has always been for his ability to emulate God even while remaining a mortal. Who wants to see a Superhero play a superhero? When has God played himself??? We want incarnations, man! In flesh and blood!"

3. Rajni plays a scientist called Dr. Viagran (or is it Vaseegaran?), who makes a Robot that looks exactly like him. His inspiration for this act must have come directly from God, for "God created Man in his own image". Now, is any one of you brave enough to say that Rajnikanth is not a God?

4. Bolly Baba admits that he is a Rajni 'Rasikan' (Tamil for fan), but says he was flabbergasted at seeing his idol shoot off a bullet from his middle finger. (In the trailer, that is). Baba says this could serve as an ominous portent for all over-enthusiastic fans of the "Thalaivar".

5. Baba says there is a lovable Rajni punch line in 'Endhiran': "Manushyan Padaithathile Uruppadiyaana Rande Vishayam... Onnu Naan ... Innonnu Nee".

The English of this is: "Of the many man-made objects, there are only two things that are jhakaas (not to be pronounced as Jackass)... One is Me... (Rajnikanth) the other is you (Aishwarya)." Strictly in that order.


Bolly Baba's Predictions on 'Endhiran'

1. Bolly Baba feels that 'Endhiran' would be unlike any of Rajni's previous outings. He will not play the underdog this time. And there will be no characteristic reversal of fortunes before the INTERMISSION slide. 'Endhiran' will all be about winning, winning and winning.

2. Baba predicts a stupendous worldwide opening for 'Endhiran', but fears a drop after the second week. This, Baba feels, will be due to the fact that the Aam Rajni fan would not be able to identify with this Super duper Hero. Rajni characters always start humble and turn mighty as the movie progresses. For 'Endhiran', it would be a reverse process.

3. Rajni and Ash, Baba feels, is not a great pair. Period.

4. Predicts Baba: "Endhiran' will undoubtedy be one of the greatest children's films ever to happen on world screen. It will appeal to the kid in the adult and the adult in the kid. Ironman, Superman, Spiderman and Batman can rest assured that 'Endhiran' will make one funny villain for them if not tough competition."

5. Rajni's trademark laugh, "Aaaaaah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha..." is usually reserved to be delivered after performing nature-defying stunts. You can expect this in almost every scene of this movie.